Higher, Further, Fattier! (Keto Hot Chocolate Recipe)

Protip: If you just want the recipe and not my life story, scroll until you see me in a unicorn suit.

I’m a wannabe intermittent faster. It’s not that I don’t have the will-power, or enough Instagram followers to brag to about it to make it worth my while. It’s just that up until very recently (like literally a week ago), I’ve been a nursing mama, for whom prolonged fasting states are not recommended, due to a possible threat to milk supply. So I’ve been needing to get in some calories somehow, between 8pm and noon the next day.

Of course, I’m hip to the Bulletproof Coffee craze. I’ve tried it. It’s fine. Not particularly satisfying or tasty, though. Then I heard about Leanne Vogel’s Rocket-Fuel Latte as an alternative, and I was instantly hooked. I appreciated the cocoa butter for the serotonin boost and the hemp hearts for hormone support (read more on the benefits of hemp hearts; oh my gosh, they really are nature’s magical little tonsil stones). In addition to the awesome macro boost and health benefits, it makes the drink eat more like a meal. One of those puppies and I am SET for a solid 5-6 hours. Oh yeah, and it’s delicious.

If you’re intermittent fasting, there is a wealth of info out there about which coffee additives do/do not spike blood sugar. Some of these ingredients not only don’t spike your sugar, they actually boost your ketone production! That said, lots of purists out there will scream at me that consuming this many calories means you’re not technically IF—and they’re probably right! But! If you are in a position where you NEED to get something in the tank, these ingredients are the best you can do. You can sneak some high-quality calories in, while keeping your body running in a basically fasted state. 

But why am I still talking about this today, if I weaned last week? Well, the reason I had to wean is because last week, we put a name on my personal superpower: ADHD! 


More on this in another post.

Unfortunately, my meds necessitated immediate weaning. Don’t @me, I have done my ta-ta time—times FOUR—and I’m fully secure in my choice to prioritize my mental health, for once.  And, thanks to the power of Adderall (through whom I can do all things, amen), I have to make sure I get calories in before every dose, lest my physique go full Granny Clampett. 

To add insult to injury, it turns out I do not feel well mixing coffee and my meds. You heard me: no morning coffee. I tried adding all my “rocket fuel” ingredients into a hot tea, and I immediately lost my will to live. It was just…watery and sad and chock-full of nope. And just as we’re heading into fancy hot drink season! What’s a gal to do??

Hot chocolate, motherfathers. That’s what.

You did it! You found the recipe!

Higher, Further, Fattier Keto Hot Chocolate

  • 10 ounces unsweetened almond milk, (I like vanilla because I’m a little bit of a princess), HOT
  • 1.5 Tbs. cacao powder
  • 1 Tbs. butter (grass-fed, if possible)
  • 1 Tbs. MCT oil
  • 1 Tbs. cocoa butter
  • 3 Tbs. hemp hearts
  • 2 scoops collagen
  • Pyure granulated stevia/erythritol to taste
  • Pinch of Himalayan pink salt
2020 Goal: Be less of a potato when taking pictures

Make sure your milk is nice and hot, because you don’t want chunks of cold butter (the grass-fed kind OR the cocoa kind) floating around in there. No, honey. You’re worth more. 

Whip all this goodness up in a blender or with an immersion blender (NOT in your mug, for goodness sake). And whip it GOOD, because those hemp hearts are as stubborn as Mariah Carey insisting that she’s got the choreography and doesn’t need to run it again. Don’t listen to Miss Thing—you run that blender again. 

Whip it up, pour it out, knock it back, feel the Gs.

Play with the ratios to suit your needs. I like a giant mug, so 10oz of almond milk suits me. You could do 8, or even 6, I guess, if you want to drink it like a milkshake, ya weirdo. Dairy-free, cut the butter. Want less protein, back off the hemp hearts. If this is too high-calorie for your macros, scale back the butter and the hemp. You get the idea.

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